


The light behind your eyes

by RainbowPlane



Category: Persona 5
Genre: ALL THE SPOILERS, Added:, Angst, Blood, Breaking apart, Death, Depression, Getting send back in time, How to completely destroy someone, Keep killing their loved one, M/M, Many death, Not Beta Read, Smut, Spoilers, Suicide, Think that's it?, good luck, in chapter 4, severe angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-09-23 12:22:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17080250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowPlane/pseuds/RainbowPlane
Summary: After finally reaching the bottoms of Mementos everything went downhill. The Phantom thieves got captured by the one called Yaldabaoth, the God practically ruling the people.When Akira refused to join forced with him, the God instead came up with another game. If Akira won, Yaldabaoth would release him and all his friends. He gets to relive his life for a few months, the only thing he needs to do is return to this exact moment, to when the game started.The game rules didn't seem too bad, but it isn't a Yaldabaoth game without a lot of twists and unfair situations.It's a game that will tear Akira apart completely.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the most angstiest and terrible thing I've ever started writing in my entire life. (And that says a lot, looking at all the fics I've done in the past)  
> Can't say I'm sorry though, I live for these types of things.
> 
> One last warning, please stop reading right here if you cannot handle any of the stuff mentioned in the warnings and tags. I am going all-out with this one, might even add additional warnings on future chapters, and I really do not want to make anyone this uncomfortable.  
> That said, good luck for those who I haven't scared off yet! (You'll need it)

** November 25 **

Today was the first free day Akira had in a while. The past few had been, challenging to say the least, but he managed to get through it all. The group had found themselves with a new goal in mind, the goal to save the country. But most importantly Akira had survived, though he could be considered dead right now too. And not just cause of the fact that he’s officially been thought to be dead by the police and many others.

He had made his way to the station, now waiting for the train. His eyes looked tired, one could even describe them as completely lifeless. Many people swarmed around him, but he didn’t hear any of them. All was nothing but white noise, white noise he cancelled out completely. He was spacing out completely. People kept bumping into him. He had no idea what was happening, what he wat doing. Life had become nothing but a blur to him, a blur he was forced to stay in, forced to keep moving forwards.

The people swarming around him seemed restless, he didn’t figure out the reason why till it was already way too late. The sudden train lights flashing into his eyes finally snapped him back to reality. Everyone around him was running away. The train was going way too fast, it was gonna crash.

But Akira didn’t move, he didn’t run. Instead he just stood there, looking like he didn’t care, looking like he expected this. The train crashed into the side of the platform, completely derailing and turning over.

Just like that bodies flew out, thanks to the sudden stop. It was a horrifying sight, it should’ve been. But Akira’s eyes didn’t even flinch, even when one of the bodies flew right at his feet.

He knew the person, he knew him very well. It was none other than Ryuji, the boy who has been his best friend since his first day here in the city. The boy who he had finally gotten the chance to make his boyfriend late October, about a month ago. They had gone through enough in the meantime, but never did that have any effect on their relationship.

But there he laid, his skin covered in scratches and cuts, face covered in blood and tiny pieces of glass sticking out of him and his clothes. He hadn’t completely died yet, though there was no doubt in Akira’s mind that was going to happen soon.

Akira didn’t make any moves to help him though, his expression never showed any emotion by the sight either. Instead he just looked down. ‘’Again with this?’’ Akira mumbled to himself. He could still hear faint breaths coming from Ryuji, he could still see him move.

As if someone reacted Ryuji suddenly began to move, coughing up a significant amount of blood. Some small splatters of that red liquid made it all the way to Akira’s face. ‘’Really?’’ Akira asked, still not showing any form of pain, or any emotion at all. ‘’You’re really getting out of ideas, aren’t you? We’ve had this one before.’’ He added.

That’s when the sound of faint breathing stopped. That’s when Ryuji’s body became completely still. He had died. Akira took a deep breath, keeping himself composed, as he walked away to return back to Leblanc. He had planned to go on an errand run in Shibuya, but today he didn’t appeared to be allowed.

As he walked back into the café Sojiro looked at him surprised. He didn’t expect him to be back this quickly, he never was.

It was then when he noticed the small droplets of blood, located in such a way that they couldn’t belong to Akira himself. Akira noticed Sojiro’s eyes tracing his face, wondering what happened. ‘’Train crash, I wasn’t in the train though, so no worries.’’ Akira said with a straight face.

Before Sojiro could even ask anything sirens could be heard nearby. He instinctively turned his head towards the sound, and as he turned back Akira was already gone up the stairs.

Akira didn’t bother to even put down his bag, he dropped face down into his bed immediately. Finally letting go the tears that had been itching in his eyes. No one was there with him, Morgana stayed with Haru most of the time nowadays, so he finally had the space to break down.

His brain felt like it was going to spin right out of his skull. Now that he had let himself go a little he had no control any more over his emotions. He had to let them all out, here at this lonely attic space.

Loud sobs could be heard, even from downstairs when you focussed on them hard enough. Akira curled himself up in a ball, now visually replaying the entire scene in his head. Ryuji’s entire face being scratched up, big pieces of glass and metal sticking inside his body. And then the blood, there was blood everywhere. Akira wiped some of his tears away, that’s when he noticed the blood was still on his face too, now fully mixed with his salty tears.

‘Why?! Why does it still get me so much?!’ Akira asked himself, screaming only internally as to not disturb any possible guests. Sojiro had heard him break down like this before, but when he asked Akira would always say he was fine. He didn’t want to worry anyone.

He had seen sights like this so many times before, yet every time it felt totally new.

It felt like Ryuji really died this time.

Akira spent the entire day on his bed, broken inside yet again, wondering why he was still there, suffering, until he eventually cried himself asleep. This was a normal appearance for now, he did it every day.

But he had no choice, he had to keep going.

 

** November 26 **

The next day Akira woke up by his phone, someone was calling him. He didn’t even bother to check who it was, as he already had a suspicion. It’s almost always the same person.

And his thought appeared to be correct. ‘’Hey dude, wanna hang out today?’’ It was Ryuji’s voice being heard on the other side of the line, like yesterday didn’t even happen. Like he didn’t just die in a train crash at all.

It took a lot from Akira to not burst out into tears again. Hearing his voice again after seeing him die has always been one of the hardest things for him, but he still managed. ‘’Yeah sure.’’ He answered, getting back into his state of not showing any emotions. Getting his mask back on.

The two of them ended up spending the day at the arcade, playing all the games just like normal. They were joking around and laughing. Even Akira managed to smile, which had become rather rare lately. ‘’You wanna go grab something to eat now?’’ Ryuji asked after he grew bored. The life in his eyes never failed to be Akira’s favourite sight, to make him happy. It was one of the few things that made everything in his life worth it, to see those beautiful bright eyes stare at him with such adoration, such love.

Akira found himself staring at Ryuji for a while, he couldn’t help it. When he snapped out of it he felt the sudden urge to do something. Without even thinking about it any longer, Akira placed a quick peck on Ryuji’s soft lips.. ‘’You wanna go for ramen today? I would say this was quite the workout here.’’ He said immediately after, as if nothing happened.

Ryuji’s face went bright red. ‘’Dude, don’t just do that so suddenly…’’ He said, sounding rather insecure. ‘’Not here.’’ He added.

But Akira wasn’t done, he threw his arm around Ryuji’s shoulder, dragging him close. ‘’Why not? You embarrassed of being with me?’’ He teased. He loved the way Ryuji looked when he was flustered. The softness of his cheeks getting emphasised by a pink blush. The way he looked at Akira, a slight worry mixed in with happiness showing in his expression.

‘’That’s… You know that ain’t what I meant.’’ Ryuji still sounded really hesitant, but he leaned his head against Akira’s shoulder a little. ‘’You know I still ain’t used to doing things like this in public.’’ He said rather softly.

Akira turned his head to kiss Ryuji’s temple, dragging him even closer to his own body. ‘’I know, but don’t worry about it, no one cares.’’ He tried to reassure Ryuji. He seemed to have succeeded, Ryuji appeared less worried almost immediately.

As Akira let go of Ryuji he was quickly met by Ryuji’s hand gripping his. ‘’C’mon, let’s get that ramen.’’ Ryuji said as he noticed Akira look at their hands in surprise. It was even more rare of Ryuji to actively show affection, which made Akira feel rather happy.

 

They made their way to the place with ease, eating up several bowls of that delicious noodle soup.

It was already dark outside when they finally walked back out of the restaurant. The streets being rather crowded at this time of day. Akira knew Ryuji would get nervous holding hands with this many people around, so he hold off and just walked alongside him, occasionally brushing his hand against Ryuji’s. these small sensations were already so much, they were more than Akira could ever wish for.

It was as they walked next to a steep stairway that Akira lost his balance, bumping into Ryuji with a little more force than he could handle.

Akira was too late to stop it, Ryuji was already tumbling down the stairs with a significant speed. It all went by extremely quickly. The cracking sounds coming from Ryuji with every impact were so loud into Akira’s ears, almost making it seem like he was the one falling. It wasn’t that difficult to imagining the immense amount of pain either.

It felt like time sped up and slowed down at the exact same moment. Everything went so quickly, yet it felt like an eternity to Akira before Ryuji’s body hit the bottom of the stairs. His body wasn’t moving anymore.

And then everything went completely quiet.

Akira had made a promise to himself, a promise to never show himself to be breaking down. Yet this time he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t control himself anymore. ‘’No!’’ He almost cried out, falling to his knees. So many times before had he gone through this, so many times had he seen the love of his life go out, yet it still got to him every time.

This time it was worse though, this time Ryuji’s death was actually caused by Akira himself. Before it were only accidents caused by bystanders. But now it was Akira himself, it was him who bumped into Ryuji. It was Akira who ended Ryuji’s life this time.

‘’Why did you feel the need to do this? Why did you make me engage?? Haven’t I suffered enough already!?’’ Akira’s cries became louder and louder with every word. Almost being unable to speak properly cause of the tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t contain himself, he had to yell all of his feelings out.

But he could not keep screaming for long, he turned quiet rather soon. ‘’Why do I need to suffer like this?’’ He whispered to himself. Then he looked back down at the lifeless body at the bottom of the stairs. Ryuji neck was twisted, his body turned into the complete opposite direction as his head, which was turned to face Akira.

And to his utter shock the body stared back, lifeless eyes looking straight into his own. ‘’You’re always free to give up.’’ Ryuji’s lips were moving, but it wasn’t his voice being heard. Immediately after the body went numb again, returning to its dead state.

‘’You know why…’’ Akira tried to sound convincing, threatening, but his voice was barely even noticeable. ‘’You know exactly why, you sick fuck.’’ He became more angry, but he knew he couldn’t do anything. He knew the only thing he could do was yell. ‘’I haven’t been suffering for so long for it all to be for nothing.’’

‘’Good luck then.’’ The same voice was being heard, but this time it wasn’t coming from Ryuji’s body, rather it was present right inside Akira’s head. ‘’One more month to go.’’ It said, before disappearing completely, leaving Akira alone in the dark once again.

 

** December 24 **

It all started a while ago, well, technically one month in the future. The Phantom thieves were captured by Yaldabaoth, only Akira stood in front of him. ‘’I have a proposal for you.’’ The God spoke to him.

Akira already knew he wasn’t going to give in to anything he would offer. So that’s exactly what he did. ‘’As if I would ever strike a deal with such a sad excuse of a God like you.’’ Akira spit. He was angry, really angry. He dared to take his friends, and to then ask Akira to join him. No way in hell he would ever submit himself to such an arrogant being.

But Yaldabaoth didn’t seem too impressed by all this, instead he had another idea. ‘’Well then, you know in what type of situation you are, right? I have all your friends, there’s no way to escape.’’ He threatened.

‘’I would rather die than surrender to you.’’ Akira answered. Deep inside he was of course extremely worried of all his friends, he didn’t want to sacrifice them at all, but he also knew they would all never accept Akira going along just to save them. He knew no one of them would’ve want that.

‘’Alright then.’’ The God reacted. But instead of killing Akira off there and then he still had one more thing to propose. ‘’What if we take this to a new game.’’ He said, taking Akira completely off guard.

He didn’t know how to react to this, part of him was curious, but another part knew Yaldabaoth wasn’t to be trusted. ‘’What are you thinking?’’ He asked, sounding rather suspicious.

‘’I’ll send you back a few months, the only thing you need to do is return to this particular moment. If you manage to make it you win and everyone gets released.’’

All of this sounded good, a little too good. ‘’And if I lose?’’ Akira asked, hesitant but interested.

‘’If you fail, or give up, you’re forced to join my side. What happens to your friends is something I haven’t decided yet.’’ Yaldabaoth answered.

Akira knew something was up, he knew there was a twist to this, but he couldn’t figure out what it would be. ‘’Alright then, I’ll accept this challenge.’’ He eventually gave in. At this moment, in this situation, he was unable to figure out any other way to get out of this. If he accepted this challenge he would at least have some more time to think about a possible way to turn the tables himself. He was still suspicious of the entire thing. But having to just relive a few months of his life shouldn’t be so bad, right?

A soft laughter came from the God. ‘’Well then. Let this game begin.’’ Were the last words Akira heard before his vision blurred, him blacking out soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written deaths count: 2
> 
> I do not plan to keep me to an update sceduele this time, it's a bit too stressful for me at the moment to hold me to such a thing, but knowing myself I'll get updates out rather quickly. This kinda is the fic that's getting me back into the flow of writing after all.  
> Nothing much happened yet, just a few deaths, but if you feel the need to yell at me go ahead. You can do so here with a comment obviously, but you can also find me on tumblr as @rainbowplane-writing (Or just @rainbowplane if ya feel like stalking my main)
> 
> See you around soon for the next chapter, hopefully


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is, rather short?  
> I don't even remember whether I've edited this chapter... Hmmm
> 
> Hope it's not too bad anyways

** October 30 **

The next thing Akira remembered was waking up in his own bed, looking outside he saw the autumn leaves fall down the trees. He quickly grabbed his phone. October 30st. He went back almost two months…

Akira couldn’t understand why, he couldn’t figure out what Yaldabaoth’s goal was. Could it be he sent Akira back just so that he had more time to come up with a better plan? Or might it be that that God was just really addicted to games?

There was one thing Akira knew however, there was no use in breaking his brain over it now. There was only one thing he could do, live through these days again like nothing happened. Even the slightest of change could make the end result rather different, could mean they never ended up there at the bottom of Mementos.

He just went to school like normal, met up with his friends during the break, and ended up making plans to train with Ryuji at the gym. It wasn’t until the two of them were alone that Akira realised what made this date so special, it was the very next day after Akira finally had the nerves to confess to Ryuji.

Everything was still way more awkward than it was, or rather than it will be. Nervousness hanging in the air as they made their way over to the gym. Akira tried to grab Ryuji’s hand out of habit, but Ryuji quickly pulled away. ‘’I… I’m sorry dude, I’m just not yet used to this, that’s all.’’ Ryuji apologized as he saw a slight pain into Akira’s eyes.

‘’It’s no problem, I understand.’’ Akira reacted. In fact he wasn’t even thinking about it at all. During their entire trip he had been wondering about this timing. Why was he sent back to the exact day after he finally got himself a boyfriend? Was it to make it all a bit more easier for him? No, that can’t be it, Yaldabaoth seemed more like the type to cheat rather than makes things easier for his opponent.

When they arrived at the entrance of the gym Akira decided to literally shake those thoughts out of his head for the time being. Only time would tell what exactly would happen.

 

But boy he didn’t expect time to show the truth this quickly. Akira was running on the treadmill as Ryuji was using one of those lat pulldown machines to train his arm strength.

The moments that followed all went by in a flash.

Ryuji was too excited, he set the amount of weights to be way more than he could normally handle. Then he also pulled on them way too hard, not realising how fragile those old machines were, not realising this on in particular was on the brink of breaking down.

Akira had his back turned to Ryuji, but a loud bang made him fall down the treadmill from turning around too quick.

The sight he saw there was horrifying, it was something he could never again get out of his head.

Ryuji lain there, underneath both the machine and several weights he fell against when the machine broke on him. His face stuck out from underneath, but no life was left to see in it. Blood slipped through the rubble, staining the floor a crimson colour.

Everything from that moment was nothing but a blur to Akira. His head kept spinning, he didn’t know what to do. Was this was Yaldabaoth had planned? Killing of his love on the first day to make his life so much more difficult?

Akira didn’t know, but he knew he shouldn’t give up from this. If there’s one thing Ryuji wouldn’t want it was Akira to give up right here.

Though, at the back of his mind, Akira kept wondering whether this was truly all.

After all the chaos of the day finished, Akira was forced to go home and sleep, the images he saw flashing before his eyes over and over again. His boyfriend, who he got for just one day, died in front of his eyes. Died in a terrible gruesome way.

Nightmares of those sights terrorized him the entire night. He lost count of the amount of times he woke up crying that particular moment. He didn’t know how he managed to fall asleep at all either.

 

** October 31 **

In the morning his mind was calmed down just enough to sleep, but even that wasn’t for long. Someone entered his room rather soon after. Akira hadn’t bothered to set an alarm. This timeline had apparently given him the Monday off, though he didn’t remember that being the case the first time around.

Akira tried to ignore the one coming inside, he really didn’t want to see anyone today, but the voice that spoke made him change his mind immediately. ‘’Hey man, why you still sleeping? You knew I was coming today, right?’’ He spoke, the one person Akira was certain he shouldn’t be hearing.

Akira’s head was spinning once again, part of him didn’t dare to turn around, didn’t want to see that he was just imagining it, but another part had hope. Maybe yesterday was nothing but a dream? Maybe he was still around?

And he did, he turned and looked, just to see Ryuji’s big brown eyes stare back at him.

It was overwhelming, it was way too much. The only thing Akira could do was look at Ryuji with wide eyes, he was seeing an actual ghost. As yesterday’s images flashed before his eyes once again Akira began to cry. He couldn’t contain himself.

‘’Dude, what’s wrong?!’’ Ryuji panicked, he didn’t expect to see Akira cry today. ‘’Did you have a bad dream or something?’’ He asked, hoping it wasn’t his fault Akira looked like this, hoping he didn’t do something to hurt him without even knowing it.

But the words Akira spoke made him nothing but more confused. ‘’You… you died.’’ Akira mumbled in between his sobs. He was happy to see Ryuji again, but it had been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster for Akira. He was visibly shaking the entire time, unable to even look at Ryuji.

Ryuji just pulled Akira into his arms, holding him tight. ‘’Well, that was obviously nothing but a dream.’’ He said softly. The feeling of Ryuji’s warm body actually managing to calm Akira down a little. Ryuji was real, he wasn’t a ghost, and he was here with him. ‘’I’m right here after all.’’ Ryuji backed up a little to look Akira in the eyes.

As soon as he smiled so brightly the sound of a loud explosion filled the air. Before Akira knew it his windows cracked with such a force glass particles travelled around the room with quite a force.

And even before he saw, he knew what had happened. He knew exactly what was the catch of the game now.

Akira’s fears got confirmed the moment he looked Ryuji in the eyes again, he was still alive, but his neck was cut open, blood spurting out at a significant speed. ‘’Th-this… I.. I-I.’’ Ryuji tried to talk, but he couldn’t get out any coherent sentences. His whole body went numb before he could speak out any more, still having his arms loosely around Akira the whole time.

There were no tears left in Akira’s eyes. He could only stare at the corpse in front of him, not moving. This was what he was going to need to suffer through the entire time?

As he thought of it more it wasn’t as bad as it seemed. The deaths hold no significant meaning if Ryuji would just be back the next day, right?

‘’So, this is the game we’re gonna play then?’’ Akira said, knowing Yaldabaoth was listening.

_‘'Very well then, bring it on.’’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written death count: 4
> 
> I'm a little low on motivation for this atm, but I'll try to continue, though updates probably shall be highly irregular.  
> (I have everything outlined already too, so the only thing left is to actually write)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2,5 weeks since the last update huh? That's a new personal record...  
> Welp, here's something again at least!
> 
> (Extra trigger warning for suicide. And murder too I guess?)

** November 29 **

It has been a few days since Akira accidentally pushed Ryuji of those stairs. And these days were the most painful Akira had ever experienced.

Every day the deaths became worse and worse. It appeared he had angered the God by his comment on the 25th. A dodgeball thrown just a little too hard by Akira, rupturing Ryuji’s organs, feeding him something he chokes on, those were the deaths Akira dealt with at the moment.

And every day it became worse. He couldn’t take it anymore. Akira doesn’t want to give up, but he’s unable to live like this for any longer.

So, one day Akira locks himself alone in his room. Alone with nothing but a lonely rope hanging from the beams at the ceiling.

He kept doubting it, he tried to hold him back from stepping on that chair, but it was all too much. He didn’t want to see Ryuji’s lifeless eyes staring back at him ever again, he wanted nothing but peace, he wanted the pain to stop.

Akira now stood there, rope on his neck as he prepared to jump, to end it all. At that moment a loud noise from downstairs could be heard, but Akira was too far out of it to notice. He didn’t until he saw those blond hairs peak up from the stairs.

But it wasn’t Ryuji, it was his body yes, but not him himself. He had the same look in his eyes as when he lain down at the bottom of those stairs. Yaldabaoth came to interfere once again. ‘’You’re giving up here?’’ He asked, the voice being similar to Ryuji’s, but nothing alike at the same time. ‘’I won’t stop you, but you know you’ll never free your friends like this, right?’’

This… This was still Akira’s weakness. No matter how much he had made up his mind before. No matter how much he had convinced himself they would all forgive him, hearing these words said to him made him realise once again this was nothing but his weakness taking over. He had chosen to take this path, to play this game, he shouldn’t give up just because he was weak.

Akira lifted the rope over his head again and stepped down. He was defeated, he couldn’t run from this. ‘’I thought so.’’ The God spoke. ‘’But I don’t accept you going against the rules like this, you know?’’

It took Akira a moment, but as soon as Ryuji’s body took a step forwards he realised, he realised what was going to happen. No more words were spoken as Ryuji stepped on the chair, putting the same rope along his neck that Akira just wore moments ago.

‘’Kick it.’’ He said. ‘’Either kick the chair or give up, your choice.’’

Defeat comes with a price, Akira knew that, but this… This was way too much. He had to actively kill his boyfriend now?

Every day the deaths got worse, and just when Akira thought there was nothing worse than what he experiences something like this comes around.

Akira looked away as he kicked the chair underneath Ryuji’s feet. Soft choking sounds could be heard soon after as he died, dying on the noose Akira himself had made. Dying because Akira kicked the ground he stood on.

Death isn’t an option for Akira, death means defeat. And defeat comes with a price.

 

** November 6 **

It has been a week, a week since this hell all began. Akira has been unable to sleep properly. Every single day he saw the love of his life die, every day again.

And then, every night, he would be haunted by the sights he had seen. Nightmares became his new standards.

Akira honestly didn’t know whether he was going to be able to get through this all. It was all just too painful already. What else would happen to Ryuji? _What other sights shall Akira need to endure?_

This time however, Akira was doing his ultimate best to stay away from Ryuji all day. He had to take a break. If he didn’t he would most likely collapse right there and then.

For the most time it actually seemed to be working. Yes, Ryuji kept bothering over and over to hang out or something, but Akira did manage to keep him away.

Maybe this actually was going to work.

 

But then, as Akira found himself in his bed late at night, a sudden feeling he had never experienced in his life before washed over him.

He felt like he was being transported into someone else’s body. And that body was slowly dying.

Akira felt like it was hard to breathe, like he was suffocating, but he couldn’t do anything about it. The body he felt wasn’t moving, it was in fact sleeping.

And then, even the slightest breathing stopped. And Akira got a taste of how it felt to die.

He didn’t even see Ryuji die this time, but that ended up being much worse. He didn’t see, he didn’t have an image burned in his mind, but instead he had an experience he could never get rid of.

This was even worse, the last bit of sanity leaving Akira right then and there, he bursted out in a crying mess.

‘’Why?’’ He whispered to himself as he curled himself up, like he had done every day so far. ‘’Why can’t I even get away from this for one single day?’’

But he knew the answer to those questions. Yaldabaoth had never intended to make this ‘’game’’ of his anywhere near easy for Akira, so of course he wouldn’t be able to run away.

Akira was trapped into this, and with no way out beside giving up…

 

** December 10 **

‘’You okay man?’’ Ryuji asked as soon as the two of them returned home after a long day. This day they managed to secure the route to Shido’s treasure, but there was nothing even remotely happy about this moment. ‘’I know Akechi like betrayed us and everything, but in the end he was just lonely, right?’’ Ryuji asked. He himself could never really forgive him, but he knew Akira had some sympathy for the detective.

Akira hadn’t said anything since that moment. He wandered straight home, not even realising Ryuji came along with him. ‘’He actually died to save us…’’ Akira muttered under his breath. He had seen the exact scene play out in front of him already, but reliving it made him truly realise what really happened.

When he stood there in the engine room he had to physically stop himself from doing anything. He knew what had to happen, but knowing it made everything worse.

Not only is Akira unable to save Ryuji from death for a single day, he actually got reminded of the fact there was someone else he couldn’t save.

‘’I know it’s difficult for you dude, but it has happened now, and there’s nothing we could’ve done to prevent it either.’’ Ryuji tried. He wasn’t that good with his words, but he at least had to try to make Akira feel a little better. That’s the job of a boyfriend, right?

‘There is, since I fucking knew already!’ Akira barely managed to keep himself from yelling that thought out. ‘’I know…’’ He eventually said, softly. This day was exhausting, every day was, but this was a bit too much already.

Ryuji put his arm around Akira. ‘’Let’s get you in bed. You’ve been looking terrible lately.’’ He said as he dragged him upstairs.

Akira didn’t fight it, he didn’t even say anything. There were no words in his mind to speak out. He was completely broken.

Before he even realised he was in his bed, already under the covers, with Ryuji sitting at the side, stroking his head. ‘’I know you feel sympathy for Akechi, but there’s nothing we can do now but move forwards. We have to get revenge on that bastard for the both of you now.’’ Ryuji spoke softly.

Then suddenly he stood up, ready to leave, but Akira quickly grabbed his wrist. ‘’Don’t go.’’ He said, not even thinking about it for a second.

Ryuji sat back down. ‘’Alright, if that what you need I won’t leave your side.’’ He said.

Not that long after Ryuji lain down next to Akira, holding him in his arms.

But then he noticed the sound of soft sobbing, Akira’s body shaking slightly too. ‘’It’s all okay.’’ Ryuji whispered as he pulled Akira even closer.

‘’No, it isn’t.’’ Akira answered. ‘’I….’’ He was unable to speak. Instead he turned around, burying his face into Ryuji’s chest.

‘’Yes it is. I’m here for you, I’ll always be.’’ Ryuji said.

But those good-intended words did nothing but more harm to Akira, as his crying began to increase instantly. ‘’I don’t want you to die too!’’ He cried out. ‘’Not now…’’ He added softly.

‘’Hey, I won’t leave you.’’ Ryuji said. ‘’I won’t die on you. I never will. I’ll stay by your side forever.’’ He added as he softly stroked Akira’s hair.

Before Akira even had the time to react the movement of Ryuji’s hand stopped. The faint sound of his heartbeat was nowhere to be found either.

_He died, again…_

Akira couldn’t do anything besides crying and clinging to the corpse of his boyfriend all night, till he finally cried himself to sleep again. Like he had done so many times already.

_Not even this day he was allowed a break from this. Not even after seeing another one die right in front of him. Even now…_

_And right after saying those words._

_It was all just too cruel, it was all too much._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written death count: 7
> 
> I should have some more time now, so maybe updating won't take this long this time?  
> Not making any promises tho...


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okayy, here we go again.
> 
> This chapter contains smut. Why? No idea really..
> 
> (Again an extra trigger warning for suicide, just kinda this time?)
> 
> Enjoy :)  
> (P.S, damn this chapter has gotten long... In comparision to the previous ones at least, whoa)

** November 15 **

Weeks… Just a few weeks and it was all already too much for Akira to handle. Every day a new type of pain gets to him, every time a new image gets added to the list of night terrors. And there was nothing he could do about it.

He had to get through this, every day, for more than a month.

But he couldn’t anymore, he was still desperately looking for a way to escape this all. Distancing himself from Ryuji didn’t appear to be an option, the feeling of him dying, alone in the dark, was way more painful and hurting than any image Akira had seen in front of him.

It was like they shared a body for a short moment, Akira feeling all the pain Ryuji goes through, before eventually the breathing stopped.

It wasn’t an option, but Akira was still desperate.

He decided to try something else, anything to get away from it all. This day he messaged Ryuji to meet up with him, not telling him the reason.

‘’Hey, what’s up?’’ Ryuji asked as he made his way towards Akira, who was standing against a wall, waiting. They were just one street behind Shibuya’s centre, cars passing by with a lot of sound.

Akira was too lost in his thoughts to notice him at first, but as soon as he felt an arm around his shoulder he snapped out of it and looked up. He was met by beautiful dark eyes, the life shining through them. ‘’Glad you could make it.’’ Akira said, almost completely emotionless.

Ryuji noticed something was up. ‘’Of course, anything for you dude.’’ He said.

_‘Anything? Then maybe stop dying for a change!’_ Akira barely managed to keep that thought from slipping out. It wasn’t Ryuji’s fault, it has never been. ‘’I got something to tell you.’’ Akira started, secretly knowing it wasn’t going to work, but he felt like he had no option but to try.

Again Ryuji caught the negative undertone in Akira’s words. ‘’What is it?’’ He asked. He actually felt a little nervous, scared even. He had never seen Akira like this, never.

The scared look in Ryuji’s eyes made Akira nervous too. He thought it all over again, but he had already decided. ‘’I think we need to break up.’’ He eventually blurted out, before he could change his mind once again.

It went silent between the two, just the sound of cars passing by being heard. ‘’You… you serious dude?’’ Ryuji stumbled on his words. ‘’Why?’’ He asked, seemingly trying to hold back his tears.

But Akira couldn’t answer that question. _‘Why?? Because maybe then you stop dying this way, that’s why.’_ Akira’s mind was once again not being of much use. ‘’Because it’s better this way.’’ Akira simply said, hoping it would be enough.

Then, without any warning, the expression in Ryuji’s eyes changed. Akira didn’t know this look yet, but it was clear that whoever was looking at him, that it wasn’t Ryuji himself. ‘’Nice try.’’ Ryuji’s lips moved and a voice was heard, but they didn’t match, it wasn’t his voice.

Then it hit Akira, of course Yaldabaoth gets to directly interfere when something doesn’t go his way. ‘’What are you doing?’’ Akira asked, angry to see the body of his boyfriend was practically possessed.

But he was just laughed at. ‘’What do you mean? You just broke up, right? There’s no reason for you to be mad at whatever I do with this body now, right?’’ The laugh coming from Ryuji’s mouth made Akira’s stomach turn.

‘’You showing up here is nothing but an attempt to torture me again, we both know this.’’ Akira said. He already knew he had lost again, but he wasn’t going down so easily.

‘’Of course!’’ Ryuji turned in circles while having his arms wide open, laughing again. ‘’But there’s a perfectly good reason for that.’’ He got serious all of a sudden, stopping with his face right in front of Akira’s. ‘’You attempted to break the game, again.’’

Akira wasn’t ready to give in yet. Instead he decided to play with fire even more, placing a quick peck on the lips right in front of him. Not bothering to think about whether they technically belonged to the God at this moment. ‘’Who would blame me for trying? All games have cheats, you know?’’ He said back, smirking at the now angered Yaldabaoth.

‘’You got some guts, I give you that.’’ The God spoke, while moving away. Moving onto the street. ‘’But don’t think you can find a way out so easily.’’ He turned, facing Akira again, when he spoke.

Then, before Akira could even comprehend what happened, a truck struck Ryuji, the now familiar feeling of blood splattering on Akira’s face making a return once again.

But Akira wasn’t feeling too bad about this one, it didn’t feel like it was Ryuji who died, part of him could still be calmed down believing it was still Yaldabaoth.

_‘’It wasn’t though.’’_

A voice ringed through Akira’s head. The God really wasn’t going to let him have even one moment of peace.

But the game was still on, and Akira was now ready for it.

 

** November 16 **

Another day came by once again. Akira didn’t sleep much.

As soon as he got back home the worry began to kick in. What would happen now? He knew Ryuji never remembered the deaths, but did he still remember the break up attempt? Yaldabaoth wasn’t going to allow for them to get officially separated, but having Ryuji remember parts of it would inflict a sense of distrust between them.

Having Ryuji get a little more distant would probably hurt Akira a lot worse than seeing him die by now.

But all those worries soon disappeared as soon as the two of them met at the train station. ‘’Hey dude!’’ An excited voice yelled to him, all the way from across the station.

Akira heard it, turning towards the sound in an instant, where he was met by that same arm around him. ‘’Hey.’’ Akira reacted, not knowing exactly how to react.

‘’You look absolutely terrible, you know that.’’ Ryuji commented. Before Akira could even open his mouth to form any sort of excuse he continued. ‘’You worried about the plan?’’ He then asked.

The plan… Akira had almost completely forgotten about it. He was less worried about it now, now that he had already experienced it working once before, but he didn’t realise how close by they were to that moment now. ‘’I suppose.’’ He answered, seeing it as the best way not to worry Ryuji with anything unnecessary.

Ryuji pulled him a little closer. ‘’Well, don’t be.’’ He simply said. ‘’It’s gonna all work out. You’re the one doing it after all, you can do about everything!’’ He exclaimed.

‘’Everything but winning…’’ Akira mumbled, too soft for Ryuji to even hear.

And the days went on once again. A difficult period ahead.

 

** December 4 **

_No, why am I even still doing this?_ Akira’s mind wandered once again. He had been absentminded all day, for the past days. Unable to focus at school, while hanging out with any of his acquaintances, even during their palace infiltration he had not been able to keep his mind with him.

Today was just another one of those days. It was so bad that he hadn’t even notice Ryuji telling him he was going to come by to hang out that evening.

It wasn’t until he felt a weight plop next to him as he sat at his bedside that he realised. Looking to his side he saw worried brown eyes stare back at him. ‘’You okay?’’ Ryuji spoke soft. He was shocked Akira didn’t notice him coming up the stairs at all. He did tell him he was coming by, right?

It took Akira another small moment to get fully back to reality. ‘’Just tired, don’t worry about it.’’ He lied. He had used this lie so many times. He knew it was getting suspicious, but it wasn’t like he could tell the truth.

It wasn’t like Ryuji would remember it. He would just drop dead the moment Akira spoke. _He tried it before…_

An arm found his way across Akira’s shoulder, where it had been so many times before. ‘’You’re exhausting yourself, you have been for a while now.’’ Ryuji noted as he pulled Akira closer. ‘’Don’t overdo it. I wouldn’t want to see you collapse all of a sudden.’’ He placed a kiss on Akira’s head.

Akira didn’t really know how to respond. He didn’t want to bring the mood down, but he didn’t know how not to anymore. So instead he moved a bit, getting himself settled in between Ryuji’s legs as he moved back to lean against the wall.

‘’You wanna do something?’’ Ryuji asked, even though he already knew the answer. As Akira shook his head Ryuji leaned to the side just a little, grabbing one of the manga’s he had brought with him. These evenings weren’t uncommon for them, Akira being too tired to do anything and just napping in Ryuji’s lap for a while.

Ryuji enjoyed these soft, quiet moments a lot, but he couldn’t sit still for such a long time without anything to do. So lately he would just bring manga’s around, or some game from time to time. Akira wasn’t disturbed by Ryuji as long as he didn’t move excessively, which did occasionally happen when Ryuji gets frustrated playing some games.

Today the attic was quiet, only breathing and the flipping of pages being heard.

And in the softness of the moment Akira completely forgot just why he was so tired. He was at peace for the first time in what felt like forever.

 

‘’Hey, you awake?’’ Ryuji asked, keeping his voice down as much as possible in case Akira actually was asleep.

But Akira wasn’t yet, he was close to drifting off yes, but not actually asleep at the moment. ‘’No, what’s up.’’ He asked as he looked up slightly.

IT was then made clear to Akira that Ryuji was a little nervous. ‘’We’ve been together for a while now, right?’’ Ryuji then asked.

Akira remembered this moment, it happened before in the exact same way. ‘’Yes, we have.’’ Akira responded. ‘’Why?’’ He asked, even though he already knew the answer to it.

‘’Well, are you… uhm..’’ Ryuji had difficulty finding the right words, but after seeing the almost comforting look in Akira’s eyes he managed. ‘’Are you interested into taking it further?’’

The flustered look on Ryuji’s face make Akira smile. ‘’I’ve never heard you ask for something so formally.’’ He teased.

This resulted into Ryuji’s face turning an even darker shade of red. ‘’C’mon dude… I’m trying my best here.’’ He mumbled.

A small chuckle came from Akira, who then simply moved up a little to softly kiss Ryuji’s lips. ‘’I know, that’s what I love about you.’’ He said as soon as he moved back again.

‘’Is that a yes?’’ Ryuji asked, still being a little insecure about the entire thing. He wasn’t going to make any more unless it was clear Akira was fully on board too. He didn’t want to make him even slightly uncomfortable.

Akira just kissed him again. ‘’Of course it is.’’ He whispered. Akira then grabbed the manga from Ryuji’s hands, just to toss it aside. ‘’Go ahead, I’m all yours.’’ He then added, resettling himself into Ryuji’s lap properly.

Ryuji obviously had no idea what to do here. He began by stroking his hands up and down Akira’s sides, getting a feel for them body in between his legs.

Akira’s head leaned back, burying his face into the side of Ryuji’s neck. This encouraged Ryuji to slip his hands underneath Akira’s shirt, his fingers tracing the hot naked skin with almost feather light touches.

Akira hummed softly in approval, which turned to a soft whine the moment Ryuji’s fingers made contact with one of his nipples. Ryuji took this as a sign to continue to touch there, rubbing his fingers over them, a little increasing in force with every movement.

And as Ryuji softly pinched one Akira let out a full moan, filling the entire attic with this erotic sound. Ryuji felt like he could do this for ages, but he knew that wasn’t enough. ‘’Stop teasing.’’ Akira mumbled after Ryuji pinched once again.

‘’It appears to me you’re enjoying it though.’’ Ryuji said back, pinching one a little harder this time, resulting into a slightly louder moan. ‘’Your voice isn’t lying.’’

But Akira wasn’t having this. He’s supposed to be the teasing one. With a quick movement Akira grinded his hips, his ass coming into contact with Ryuji’s front, where he could already feel a slight bulge.

This move resulted into a low groan coming from Ryuji. ‘’Yours doesn’t either.’’ Akira said back, a smug grin forming on his face.

Ryuji’s hands moved away from the chest, tracing his fingers across the skin as he got lower and lower, eventually arriving at the rim of Akira’s trousers. One hand snaking even a little lower to cup the now visible bulge inside.

The touch made Akira’s whole body squirm, he wanted more, he needed more! ‘’Just… Get going with it.’’ Akira was getting a little frustrated. Maybe it was because it was his first time, in a long time at least, or maybe it was just his body screaming for any type of stress release. No matter what it was, he needed it all.

‘’Anything you want babe.’’ Ryuji responded. He got a little over the teasing, the only thing he now wanted was his boyfriend to feel good. So, to achieve that goal he quickly unbuttoned Akira’s pants and made his way inside, going straight underneath his underwear too.

The sudden cold touch of a hand made Akira shudder, but that cold feeling soon went away as Ryuji took him into hand, slowly stroking up and down the shaft. ‘’Ahhh..’’ Akira could do nothing but moan, turning his face back into Ryuji’s neck.

Ryuji, in turn, found an exposed piece of Akira’s shoulder. He sucked the soft skin as his hand moved up and down Akira’s cock.

Akira’s hips began to move along too, following the rhythm of Ryuji’s hand, grinding down on him with every movement too. It was then that Ryuji realised he had to move on, finally letting go of the skin still in his mouth, a dark spot has formed underneath.

Without any warning Ryuji moved away for a moment, leaning over to his bag. Akira didn’t like the sudden loss of warmth, the sudden disappearance of stimulation down below wasn’t welcomed either, but as soon as Ryuji got back up all his frustration disappeared.

Ryuji settled back down at the exact location as before, the first thing he did was fully undoing Akira from his pants, leaving his bottom half completely naked.

The pop of a bottle was heard, the bottle of lube Ryuji had apparently brought with him being the source. He had apparently planned for this, but Akira didn’t mind that in the slightest.

All those thoughts disappeared anyways as soon as a wet finger traced around Akira’s butthole, before pushing in slowly. Another moan escaping Akira’s mouth, more following when the finger moved in and out of him at a slow but steady pace.

Soon a second digit followed, spreading Akira slowly. The third stung a little, but even that feeling soon was replaced by pure pleasure, as Ryuji’s fingers increased the pace, making Akira moan even louder.

It was going too slow again, for Akira’s liking at least, and he was done with it. In one smooth motion he practically tackled Ryuji, pushing his back into the not that soft mattress underneath them, and he climbed on top. ‘’Well, someone’s impatient.’’ Ryuji joked as he saw the need in Akira’s eyes.

‘’Someone’s just too slow.’’ Akira commented back as he already made his way to undo Ryuji’s pants, sliding it down just enough to free his erection.

Ryuji chuckled slightly, which was soon replaced by a groan as Akira was now the one stroking him. ‘’Getting your revenge?’’ He joked as Akira didn’t stop stroking him a little too slow.

But Akira wasn’t having any more of this teasing. He moved up, hovering over Ryuji, before slowly lowering himself down onto him.

The sight alone could’ve been enough for Ryuji to come undone right then and there, but he held himself back. He had to savour this moment, such a beautiful guy slowly taking him in inch by inch, a face filled with increasing pleasure right in front of him. It was almost all too good to be true.

Akira manged to take everything in, breathing heavily. He took a moment, a small moment before he began to move, bouncing up and down, starting slowly, but increasing his pace quick. ‘’Ah, yess!’’ Akira yelled out as Ryuji began to buckle his hips up to match the rhythm.

Akira settled his hands onto Ryuji’s chest, almost pushing him into the bed as he moved with more force. Moaning and the slapping of flesh filling the air as the two of them were fully ingulfed into the moment.

And then, when Akira least expected it, when he actually forgot it was a possibility, reality creeped up at him.

A loud cracking sound now filled the room, and everything seemed to stop right then and there.

The next thing Akira saw was the sight underneath him. Ryuji’s body covered in blood once again, pieces of the crates that gave out sticking out of his chest.

Ryuji was gone in an instant, again. Just when Akira forgot all about the  game for a moment he was punished. Punished even more than ever before.

It took Akira a moment to get up, he couldn’t stop clinging to Ryuji’s body, crying even louder than ever before.

He let his guard down, which resulted into the worst pain so far. He could never do such a thing, not ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written death count: 9
> 
> Next chapter's gonna be the last one! I am actually finishing this thing!!  
> (Even I'm surprised. This really isn't my best one out here, motivation is low, but I get through it!)
> 
> I actually have some nice ideas for the finale, well, nice might be too positive of a word, interesting rather.  
> ...  
> You'll see, no idea when I finish it tho..


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andd, here we go!
> 
> (Heads up, I failed to keep the happiness percentage, I apologize in advance)

** December 12 **

It’s all too much, way too much…

Akira couldn’t take it anymore. But whenever he tries to lighten the situation for himself in any way he gets countered immediately.

_But what if he would just try and eliminate the surprise element from this torture? Would that do something?_

 

Over the course of the past days Akira has completely given up on his sanity. There was nothing left within him to keep him from trying literally anything that came to his mind. Just… Anything to stop this from hurting so much every day.

It wasn’t till this particular day that he took action, that he actually did it.

He asked Ryuji to hang out that afternoon. They went to Leblanc for some games, but soon they were so bored, so restless too, that they decided to take a run around the block.

During the entire time the two of them were outside Akira couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every time a car ran past Akira had the urge to push Ryuji under. ‘ _If he didn’t he would just die anyways, why keep it a surprise?’_

But he never found the courage to actually take that step yet. And to his surprise Ryuji actually survived the entire time too. _Maybe Yaldabaoth is just there, waiting to see what’s going to happen…_

As they got back both were completely exhausted. ‘’Hey, is that bathhouse still open? Wanna refresh a little?’’ Ryuji asked. He wasn’t that much into the idea to keep sweaty, a bad sounded like absolute heaven now.

Akira hesitated. He knew that the urges would become stronger and stronger every minute the two of them stayed together, but he also didn’t want to part.

For some reason there was no worse feeling than Ryuji dying apart from him. Yes, he didn’t have to see it, but the sensations were too much.

In the end Akira decided that it wasn’t worth it, he could keep himself under control.

 

‘’Dude, it’s like completely empty here!’’ Ryuji said a little too excited as the two of them got inside. He wasn’t wrong though, there have been less and less people coming here lately. Akira wondered whether the people just couldn’t be bothered getting here through the colder days.

The two of them settled in the hot water, bodies warming up almost instantly. ‘’This is good…’’ Akira said as he sank deeper into the water. He hasn’t been here on his own in a long time, he needed this so much.

It was nice and quiet for a while, the only sound being the water and soft breaths.

It wasn’t until Akira looked over to Ryuji again, after a while of staring to the ceiling, that his mind went at full speed once again.

_‘Do it!’_

A voice ran through his head the moment he saw Ryuji just sitting there, looking slightly down at the water.

_‘He’s gonna die here anyways, do it before the surprise!’_

Akira didn’t want to listen to these thoughts, but his hands moved on his own. Before he knew it they were both on Ryuji’s head, pushing down.

_‘No! stop this, hands!’_

Akira knew this was wrong, Ryuji struggling beneath him, but he just couldn’t stop. This was what he had tried to prevent for so long, but if he was honest, this might really be the only counter he had left.

He kept fighting with his mind, even after the movement underneath the water had come to a full halt.

It was then that he realised what he had done. He had hurt Ryuji, his one and only love, just to ease his own pain. It was the one thing he never wanted to do.

Akira couldn’t stay there for any other moment. He fled straight to the attic in one go, not even looking at the body now floating in the bath for any other second. He couldn’t face what he had just done.

_What line he had just crossed._

And the fear of what was to come next took over. This night being the worst he had ever experienced before. As for once he couldn’t tell himself it wasn’t his own fault. As his own hands were what ended this day of his.

As Akira covered himself, hiding in his blankets, a soft laughter could be heard.

The God was pleased.

 

** December 23 **

_52 deaths… All worse than the last._

It wasn’t until the last few weeks that Akira broke, but now that he did there was no stopping him.

The day after their time in the bathhouse was when Akira realised he was fine for a change.

He realised what he did really was the only thing he could do to make him feel better, which is why he did it again, and again.

_52 deaths, 3 unseen, 10 by accidental involvement, 11 murders…_

And here they were, the very last day, one day before Akira finally returned to where this nightmare started.

And at this moment he held Ryuji into his arms, his mouth right by his ears.

‘’I’m sorry Ryuji my love, but tomorrow it will all be over.’’ Akira whispered before leaning away just enough to look in those beautiful brown eyes. Brown eyes filled with nothing but confusion. Shock joining in too as soon as Ryuji got a look of Akira’s face, were tears were streaming down.

Ryuji opened his mouth to say something, but he wasn’t given any chance as Akira leaned in to kiss the other.

As Akira brought the knife in his hand closer, touching the skin of Ryuji’s throat with it just slightly, before pulling away again.

‘’I love you.’’ Akira said, before slicing through the throat on one smooth motion. Blood splattering up, covering Akira’s face and glasses.

Then Akira stood up, ready to walk away. ‘’See you tomorrow.’’ He said, looking over to the motionless body one last time, before disappearing into the night.

_The 53 rd death, the last one before the end…_

 

** December 24, again **

The day has finally come. Akira found himself facing Yaldabaoth once again. He didn’t remember getting through this day himself first though, but that was the least of his concerns at the moment.

There was only one thing he wanted, he wanted his friends to finally be freed.

_He wanted to be freed from this nightmare too._

‘’To think you’ve actually made it through, I’m impressed.’’ The God spoke to Akira.

But Akira wasn’t there for any more talking. ‘’The game is over. And I have won it.’’ He stated. ‘’Set everyone free.’’ Akira stayed calm the entire time he spoke, even when inside he was burning. He couldn’t stand the sight of the one who has put him through so much.

Yaldabaoth laughed at these words. ‘’All this time, and you’re still so naïve.’’ He spoke out.

These words, these words were enough for Akira to realise it was never the God’s plan to let them go in the first place. All these days were for nothing more than to amuse him. ‘’You… You fucking monster!’’ Akira yelled out, not knowing what else to say.

The laughing of the God increased. ‘’Like I said, I am sincerely impressed that you’ve managed to get through this all.’’ He said. ‘’In fact, I’m thinking about letting you out anyways. You can even take your friends, well, the living ones.’’

_‘The living ones… What would that even mea- Oh.’_

_‘Oh no.’_

It all became even more clear to Akira by the moment. He knew as soon as he realised he never got through this day, but there was still a spark of hope in him, something that didn’t want to believe it.

‘’That’s right!’’ Yaldabaoth knew Akira’s thoughts. ‘’The day was never reset today, your little boyfriend is still gone.’’ The laughs increased once again. ‘’But to be completely fair, I didn’t kill him.’’

_‘’You did.’’_

At hearing those words Akira lost all strength in his legs, falling to his knees instantly. ‘This… was this the plan all along?’ Akira’s mind was spinning violently, all the memories coming straight back to him.

The first time he took action in the bath, all to the last time he saw Ryuji. How he moved without hesitation, unmoved by the blood covering his sight.

How he became a murderer, one who killed his one and only, just to make it easier for himself.

All those days suffering, and yet even while reaching the end he had still failed…

…

‘C’mon dude, it isn’t over yet!’

A voice ran through Akira’s head, a voice not belonging to his own.

Then more memories got to him. And at that moment he realised the voice was right.

It’s not over yet, he had one last chance.

Akira stood up again, head hanging low. ‘’You know, you almost got me for real.’’ He spoke, soft but with a dark undertone. ‘’But you haven’t won, not yet.’’

These words took Yaldabaoth by surprise, but not for long. ‘’And what could a merely human do to stop me, a God?’’ He challenged.

This time it was Akira who was laughing. ‘’A God, C’mon.’’ He said. ‘’Gods aren’t almighty beings without any shortcomings. In fact, there’s a few things a little God like you could never possess, things that make humans way more stronger than you could ever be.’’

‘’And what might that be?’’ The God spoke, sure Akira was nothing but bluffing.

But then Akira’s head jerked up, fire in his eyes, as blue flames surrounded him. ‘’The ability to love one another. The ability to have hope, even when things are dark as night.’’ He spoke. ‘’Come to me, Captain Kidd!’’

A bright light followed, soon replaced by the persona which once belonged to Ryuji now behind his boyfriend. ‘’How?’’ The God asked, as he himself had no way to explain what has happened.

‘’It’s easy really.’’ Akira started as he walked closer. ‘’You made one vital mistake by joining my and Ryuji’s mind together that one night. Ever since that time, after he died, he became a part of me.’’ He explained, laughing brightly. ‘’And you know what’s the best of all?’’ Akira followed with a question, not expecting any response. ‘’As it turns out this isn’t my persona!’’

Yaldabaoth began to think Akira had actually lost his mind, that was a way to obvious fact to state. He almost felt safe again, almost.

Akira continued. ‘’Meaning I can still do this too!’’ Akira yelled as the flames formed once again, chains appearing into his hand. Slamming down these chains gave room for another persona to appear. ‘’Satanael!’’ He yelled out as it too appeared. ‘’It’s over.’’ He then said, softer than before.

With one swift strike Akira singlehandedly wiped the God out of existence. Well, with the help of Ryuji, who was still very well present in his mind.

After everything was over Akira collapsed to the ground. _‘Well done.’_ The voice in his head spoke to him right before he passed out.

 

Akira woke up a while later, unsure what happened, unsure where he was.

‘’Oh, he is awake!’’ A voice yelled.

The light was bright, so bright Akira had a lot of trouble opening up his eyes. But when he did he found himself in a hospital bed, his friends around him.

As everyone gathered around Akira could see red eyes all around. Everyone had been crying, some still were. ‘’Are you okay?’’ Haru asked him.

Akira nodded. ‘’I suppose…’’ He answered. He didn’t feel fine at all, but it wasn’t like there was anything physically wrong with him.

It was then that the mood changed to the worst. ‘’We…’’ Ann started talking, but before she finished tears escaped her eyes. ‘’We know what happened.’’ She managed to finish.

At first Akira didn’t know what exactly she meant, but that was soon cleared. ‘’Yaldabaoth made us watch everything.’’ Makoto added.

It was then that Akira realised one face was missing. The one face he wanted to see the most of all. ‘’Ryuji… Please tell me he’s here somewhere!’’ Akira exclaimed. He knew the answer, he knew, but he didn’t want to believe it.

He didn’t want him to still be the cause of his boyfriend’s death…

‘’I… I’m sorry.’’ Makoto did her ultimate best to hold her own tears.

But after seeing their leader curl up in a sobbing mess broke everyone. ‘’It isn’t your fault, we know what made you go to such lengths.’’ Haru spoke softly.

‘’Yes, to be honest. I don’t think I could’ve ever survived such torture for a week, let alone months.’’ Yusuke said.

But Akira wasn’t listening anymore. After everything that had happened to him he still lost. After all he had suffered he had still failed to save everyone. He had failed to save the most important one.

 

Then the voice ran through his head one more time.

_‘It’s not your fault. It’s okay.’_

The voice, belonging to the one person missing in this room.

_‘I love you too. And I will keep loving you, forever.’’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written death count: 11?
> 
> Finee, this might not be the ultimate end...  
> But tbh I kind of like it like this, but then I suppose I'm just really mean when it comes to things like this.  
> We will see if I can motivate myself to add more eventually.   
> For now this is it tho.
> 
> Hope you guys have survived through this, and still kind of enjoyed/liked it?  
> Feel free to yell at me tho, I probably deserve it rn.


End file.
